God desires oneness in marriage. Jesus spoke of the oneness principle in the Gospel of Mark:
“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female’. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.”
(Mark 10:6-8, NIV).
The physical union is symbolic of the oneness God desires in marriage in the various dimensions that make up human beings. God wants married couples to grow into greater oneness with each other while simultaneously growing in oneness with Him.
You should not consider marriage with someone unless they have “oneness” potential in the following areas.
Spiritual Oneness
As Christians, our spiritual lives are guided by the directive to “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (Deuteronomy 6:5, NIV).
We were created to have an intimate love relationship with God. We exist to glorify Him through our worship, devotion, obedience and service. So naturally, God wants this to also be the top priority in marriage.
Obviously this is only possible if both people have received Jesus into their lives as their Lord and Savior. The apostle Paul warns, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV).
While Paul is clearly stating that Christians are not to marry unbelievers, the principle of being “unequally yoked” can also have implications for two believers when it comes to their theological beliefs.
Are there theological differences that will create problems with your worship and service of God? Just because you both belong to God and love Him does not necessarily mean you worship Him or follow Him in the same way.
Spiritual oneness is cultivated by worshiping and serving God in the same way.
Mental Oneness
The lens through which we view life determines what we see and the corresponding choices we make. That lens is our worldview. It shapes our philosophy of life, perception of reality and decision-making values.
The apostle Paul asks, “Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” (1 Corinthians 1:20, NIV).
“For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.” (1 Corinthians 3:19, NIV).
God reveals truth and reality in the Bible. It is our guidebook for life. We are to have a biblical worldview.
Unfortunately many Christians live their lives based on the deceptive philosophies of this world. And although they are saved, their lives are filled with the consequences of ignorance and foolishness. Believers must use the Bible as the ultimate authority for daily living and be committed to renewing their minds with biblical truth.
Mental oneness is cultivated by having the same foundational beliefs and philosophy of life.
Emotional Oneness
People are emotional beings. We have deep feelings about different things. Those feelings inspire us to act. Consequently, we invest our time, money and talent into causes or activities we believe are important. We are willing to make sacrifices for causes that have engaged our heart.
We are to be motivated by our loving concern for one another. The apostle John describes it this way:
“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:16-18, NIV).
What has God laid upon your heart? What do you feel passionately about? What moves you to take action? Does your loved one share your passions and concerns? And do you share his/hers?
Emotional oneness is cultivated by being passionate about the same things in life.
Volitional Oneness
While most believers acknowledge that Christians exist to glorify God, many do not reflect that in their daily goals and priorities. In actuality, their purpose for life may be to glorify themselves, someone else or some organization.
But God created us to fulfill His purposes. The Bible explains,“… we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV).
God created us to do what He deems to be important, regardless how glamorous or menial that may appear to others. We exist to serve Him wholeheartedly. Is that the desire of your heart?
The prophet Amos asks a rhetorical question. “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (Amos 3:3, NLT).
Are you both heading in the same direction in life? Are you in agreement about what you want to accomplish with your lives?
Volitional oneness is cultivated by being committed to the same goals, priorities and purpose for life.
Physical Oneness
God designed sexual intercourse to be a tangible symbol of the oneness He desires between a husband and wife. It’s the pleasurable icing on the cake when spiritual, mental, emotional and volitional oneness exists in the relationship. And God doesn’t want this dimension of the relationship to be neglected either. The apostle Paul explains,
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:3, 4, NIV).
All too often sex is merely used to satisfy physical urges. It can be motivated by lustful passion, rather than the unconditional, self-sacrificing love that God desires. It’s like settling for an appetizer instead of enjoying the entire five course meal. God wants you to have it all, but that will only happen if you do it His way.
Physical oneness is cultivated by bonding sexually with each other in marriage.
Are you compatible in these critical areas so that you have a good foundation upon which you can develop greater oneness in marriage?
Once married, it will be much more challenging to develop the oneness that God desires if you don’t begin your relationship with relatively the same views and priorities in each of these vital areas.
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