We were young and in love, and life seemed good. Entering into the marriage commitment all seemed perfect, until our first child was born with a severe disability. Then the cracks began to tear down what we had thought was a solid, healthy commitment.
The disabled child wasn’t the real cause of the problem. The situation just revealed a part of my husband’s character I never knew existed — a part that was real ugly. He couldn’t cope with the magnitude of it all and the extra time needed out of his “perfect world” to be there emotionally and physically.
Spiritually, his heart was dead to God’s ways, for he had never known Him in a personal way. On the other hand, I had known God in a personal way when we married, so I coped in a different way, and that caused even further problems.
Things went from bad to worse. After struggling with much discourse and fighting, our marriage was broken and divorce became the way out. To our children, an unhealthy view of marriage was now imprinted on their hearts as they watched their parent’s relationship crumble.
Being in love is a wonderful feeling. But when the relationship is based strictly on physical attraction, as ours was, We hadn’t considered other important issues such as shared values and goals, faith in God, past experiences and upbringing. And so a supposedly good marriage relationship ended in disaster because it could not hold up under the pressure.
Knowing what I’ve learned through this heartbreaking experience, I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. That isn’t possible. But I can share my experience with others in the hope they will not make the same mistakes I made.
Basing marriage on God’s way instead of man’s way is the best recipe for success.
J.M.
